Cambalache 3,14 - La vidriera irrespetuosa


Que el mundo fue y será una porquería, ya lo sé.

11-S Ni Cataluña, ni Nueva York...

...en esta fecha. Como todos los años, desde hace 46, recito la máxima Fremen: Nunca perdonar, nunca olvidar.
11-S (1973): Vive mil años

Te odio. No debería decir esto, ni debería contárselo a nadie, pero es verdad. Te odio. Como nunca he odiado a nadie. Ni a las mujeres que me han hecho daño sentimental (y han sido muchas, porque quiero mucho a las mujeres) ni a los hombres que me han estafado (y han sido muchos, hasta que perdí la fe en la humanidad).

Nadie me ha hecho lo que tú me hiciste. Y no tengo derecho a decírtelo, porque hay gente, personas, humanos, que tienes muchos más motivos para odiarte que yo. Personas a las que arrebataste la vida, la familia, el trabajo, el país. Gente a la que torturaste, fusilaste, metiste ratas por la vagina, obligaste a traicionar a sus compañeros, a sus familiares, a sus seres queridos. Me es muy difícil así decirte esto es una cosa entre tú y yo porque, comparado con tus compatriotas, lo que me hiciste a mí es ridículo. Pero cada uno vive alrededor de su mundo y a mí me destrozaste la juventud, fíjate qué tontería, en lugar de dejar que lo hiciera la Paqui o María del Mar o cualquiera otra que me rompiera el corazón, que es lo que tiene que ocurrir a los trece años.

Porque yo tenía 13 años recién cumplidos y creía en la vía democrática hacia el socialismo. Hoy en día eso parece increíble, pero Franco estaba a punto de morirse y España era muy diferente a cómo es ahora. Yo, fíjate, pobre ingenuo casi niño, creía en la leche para todos los niños de Chile y en que tenemos que ser nosotros. Creía en la solidaridad y en el amor que aún no conocía. En que en España también podríamos tener una democracia que sirviera para construir la justicia.

Tenía 13 años y aún no me había besado ninguna chica. Vivía en un país gris, donde llevar el pelo largo era motivo suficiente para que homófobos policías homosexuales  te vacilaran. Dónde había una ley de peligrosidad social en la que bastaba tu pinta para encarcelarte. Y pensaba que podía cambiarlo, que mi país era mío y me pertenecía el derecho de decidir en paz y en libertad sobre él. Tú me convenciste de que no. De que siempre estarías ahí, con el fusil y el tanque, esperando.

No te lo perdono, Pinocho. Creíamos (ya no hablo solo de mí) que el pueblo unido jamás sería vencido y tú nos convenciste de que el pueblo, si no estaba armado sería aplastado. Nutriste las filas del FRAP y del GRAPO con mis amigos idealistas que no estaban dispuestos a que en España pasara lo mismo que en Chile y cayeron en el tablero de ajedrez que todos los servicios secretos del mundo habían tejido para este país. Algunos siguen entrando y saliendo de la cárcel. Incluso algunos que no estuvieron en esos grupos. Efectos colaterales, supongo. Yo aún he salido bien de esta historia, ellos -también- tendrán más motivos para odiarte que yo.

Y tú lo reventaste todo. Bueno, tú no. Fíjate que paradoja, después, cuando fui más o menos adulto, uno de mis primeros trabajos fue para tus jefes. Y cuando me preguntaron si era un problema para mí trabajar para ellos, yo ya estaba vendido y acobardado y me había cortado el pelo y les dije que no, ningún problema. Tampoco te perdono eso, aunque fuera culpa mía.

Cómo fue culpa mía dejar la lucha decepcionado. No me habías dejado muchas opciones: la lucha armada o el desengaño. No sé si escogí bien. Fue más fácil así, claro. Un curso pagado de programación con los malos  usando el ordenador más grande de España (no sólo el dinero compra). Después un trabajo de funcionario en un instituto de secundaria nocturno, después la Universidad. Investigar en Matemática, algo aséptico,  que no te metía en líos. Y presumir de anarcopijo delante de las cervezas en las tascas. Me siento un miserable. Soy un miserable.

Quizás. No, quizás, no. Seguro, Es culpa mía. Pero cada vez que llega un once de septiembre, no me acuerdo de la fiesta nacional catalana ni de las torres gemelas cayendo en el downtown de Manhattan. Me acuerdo de ti, cabrón miserable, hijo de puta, arruinailusiones. Y tampoco te perdono eso, porque querría olvidarte. Que nunca hubieras existido.

Pero eso no puede ser. Así que no, no te perdono. Ya que existes, sólo me queda desearte una larga vida. Entre rejas, claro. Vive mil años. Que los fantasmas te atormenten. Te odio, Pinocho, Pinochet, generalito, jódete.
No vivió mil años. Y además, ya no tengo al Profe para comentarme la historia.

2019-09-11 17:55 | Categoría: | Enlace permanente | Etiquetas: | Y dicen por ahí

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